What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
