Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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