Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
