Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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