Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
