with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
