Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
