They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
