garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
