So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
