R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
