You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
