What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
