Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
