We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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