Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
