As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
