I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
