they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
