Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
