Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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