there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
