dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
