how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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