apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
