ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
