I wish I could punch you in the face.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
