babies were throwing up all over the place
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
