She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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