It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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