i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
vagina is talking i cant
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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