and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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