What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
