there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
