Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
