yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
