I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
