I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
