She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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