I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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