Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
