New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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