Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Houston, we have a squirter
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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