Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he thought i was a dude.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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