Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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