I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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