whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
