All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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