If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
