I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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