If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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