I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
