Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
