I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
