At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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