..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
