careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just cropdusted the office
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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