my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
