Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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