And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
