you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
