I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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